I Am Worthy

“ My story has been untold until today. It's a private matter.”

Talking about it, saying the words helps to allow space for the reality

My story has been untold until today. The shame of 

It's a private matter. I felt no reason to share my circumstances with others who had no benefit of knowing my personal challenges in protecting my ability to survive or hopefully thrive. Looking back it felt like there was no choice in the matter – that was equally shared by the boyfriend who was responsible for the insemination of the egg that nature put in my womb. Working three part time jobs to put a roof over my head was all that I could handle. Yearning for a child or family of my own was never a thought my mind or heart pursued. My beginnings were meager mostly because of generational poverty that was guaranteed to continue with my mother and grandmother's generations being forced to succumb to the social structure of patriarchy. My beginning left me neglected by lack of time with my working class parents who eventually gave up the struggle of low paid work and a combined eight children. I knew from the start that whatever happened in my life would be my price to pay. I knew that no man could be counted on to stay and to properly protect a child or me. I knew that if I were to bear a child that he or she too would be bound in poverty and subject to repeating the same I had…that as a parent I would fail to provide a safe, loving, supportive home that would allow a child to survive. The boyfriend and I eventually ended our youthful relationship and then he quietly carried on and so did I.