What Threatens Me

“Really, I’m my worst judge”

What threatens me is the disappointment of those whom I do care about. Some of what holds me back is the scarlet letter of putting myself out there for all to see and apply their judgment on me. Really, I’m my worst judge– I fully accept and believe that I have lived my life making the best choices amid the time and circumstances, but there's a part of me that holds judgment that “did I try hard enough, did I do enough, am I making justifications to cover my choices?” As an optimist I’ve tried to go forward and leave the old circumstances behind, to live for today. Reliving the hurt could crumble the strength I’ve built in the facade of a strong, independent, self-sufficient woman who achieved more than anyone thought possible. The fact that I refused the dome of cover a man to financially support me would be crushed by the fact that I “selfishly” chose myself to protect over the embryo inside my flesh. It seems unkind that I would choose myself over another human being, no matter that the embryo is not viable without the current and future sacrifice of my own existence.